Roughly about twice a year I experience anywhere from a few days to several weeks of intense ‘cluckiness’. That is, intense feelings of wanting children, of wanting to be pregnant, of wanting to be around children — especially babies — and wanting to ‘fluff’ my environment to make it homely and nice.
Because it happens so suddenly, and often seemingly without trigger, it makes me wonder how much of it is biological. If there is some mixture of hormones and instinctive drives within me that turn up this desire of having a family, of being a mother and taking care of innocent human beings who cannot look after themselves. Just how much of what I am feeling right now is because I am biologically programmed this way, and how much of it is because of my immediate environment, as well as society at large?
Not all women feel these urges. I don’t think there is something biologically wrong with them, I just think they don’t feel it, and that’s that. Not everyone likes children or wants to have their own, and that is perfectly okay. Maybe back in the stone age it might not have been good if you didn’t reproduce (you wouldn’t want your family/tribe/etc to die out), but it’s the 21st century and many people are actively choosing not to have kids for a variety of reasons. My point is that obviously ‘maternal instinct’* is not entirely biological, so how much of what I feel is because of social programming?
Do I want children because it’s what I’m ‘supposed to do’? Do I feel this insane surge of ‘maternal instinct’ right now because I’m in an environment with several children of various ages, a pregnant sister-in-law, an online friend who’s just given birth to a gorgeous little girl, and a family full of Earth Mother women who seem born to be parents? I like to think that this instinct is more biological, and because I, personally, want to experience pregnancy, birth, and raising my children into (hopefully) well adjusted, useful citizens of the world. I also like to think that I have been privileged and blessed enough to experience this process first-hand, in a way that encourages me to fulfil those biological instincts one day. The more people I meet in the world, the more aware I am of how wonderful my family is, how amazing my parents are, how beautiful and caring my siblings are. I am a truly blessed individual; so many people never get to experience love from their families in the way that I do. This love and support is the perfect fertiliser for my growing desire to have a family.
So, I guess it does come down to a bit of both. What the exact ratio is, or if there even is an exact ratio, I don’t know. What I do know is that right now, I am finding it very difficult to be patient for the time I do get to be pregnant. I will leave all the questions surrounding motherhood and social inequalities (because there are a lot, and many that I think about often in relation to my own life) for an entirely different post!
*I speak only of ‘maternal instinct’ since I’m a woman and therefore know what I’m experiencing. I’ve no idea what ‘paternal instinct’ is like and how, when, or why men experience it. But if you are a guy and have something to say about it, please leave a comment as I am more interested in your experiences.
