Via

So on Valentine’s Day I mentioned that I have some news to share. Remember how a couple of weeks ago I wrote about my experience with anxiety and also how I wasn’t sure if my current study/career path was what I really wanted to do? Well, since that post my anxiety has been up in the highs (about a 7-10 on a scale of 0-9 with 0 being none and 10 being absolutely worst of worse) and I started to feel really depressed. The last weeks of summer school were painful, and I felt utterly lost and miserable.

Last weekend, with the help of my wonderful mother and boyfriend, I was able to finally make a decision about what to do, what would be best for me right now. I’ve decided to take the next semester off from university and focus on getting my confidence back while also dipping my toes into the world of selling handmade online. Obviously I will also need to find some part-time work in order to pay the bills while I do this, so the job-hunt begins. I’ll also be getting some therapy to deal with my anxiety so that I feel more in control of it and how I react to it.

As for selling handmade, I have a passion for bags and am in the process of designing a few leather styles. I’m not sure on the time-frame of when these will be ready; those details will be planned out more in the coming weeks. I’ll sell other handmade things too. This is, clearly, very new and not every last detail has been fleshed out yet, but let me tell you: I haven’t been more excited about something in a very long time. Not going to lie: it’s scary, however I am actually looking forward to facing those fears and just doing it.

While I struggle to get super personal here, I often find myself thinking that if I share some of my experiences with anxiety and depression it might be helpful for myself and maybe even others. I know that when I read about other people’s struggles with these things I get a sense of not being alone which is incredibly comforting during moments of darkness.

This week I have been feeling off. I wouldn’t say depressed because I don’t think it’s reached that level yet, but I’ve been feeling blue and a bit anxious. I don’t want to do very much, I feel tired, and I sort of want to either hide away by myself or surround myself with the most comforting people I know (i.e. my mother and sisters). I’ve also been rather tearful. I would say that I am ‘a crier’ anyway. I’ll sob over a WISPA ad on TV, for example, or shed a few drops when Ellen Degeneres gives stuff away to deserving people. This is much more likely if it’s around the time I have PMS. These all seem fairly valid reasons to cry though. This week, waves of deep sadness have come over me at random moments, no commercials or menstruation necessary.

I do know that I am not feeling great about university. I find it extremely difficult to care enough about the topics, the outcome of getting my degree, etc. to care about the work involved. As the years have gone by, I have come to realise that I don’t particularly enjoy academic work. I often find research tedious and writing assignments is more like a nasty chore. I know that these things are about attitude. Somehow I have developed this attitude of just not liking it and therefore fighting it the whole time. More often lately I have been daydreaming about the things I would rather be doing: designing bags and stationery, and selling them to make a living. I no longer daydream about being a clinical psychologist. The thought of it actually causes the physical sensation of being strangled a little, or stuck in a very small box. I don’t think I want to listen to peoples’ problems, not because I don’t care, but because I am not sure I want my work-life to be based around others’ probably negative problems and having to confront that every day while maintaining my own positive head space.

I don’t know what all of this means right now. It’s like a big puzzle with only some of the pieces and absolutely no image to reference. I have no idea what the picture is or how many of the pieces fit together. It’s confusing and frustrating. Is this a quarter-life crisis? I’m 24 in a few months and I feel like I’m partially on the wrong path. My interest in psychology is there but I just don’t know if I actually want to be a psychologist any more. When I think of who I am and what I love, being creative is the most prominent thing. It is what has always been my strongest, most consistent love. From playdough sculptures and wooden cars made with milk bottle lids for wheels to painting ceramics to drawing and painting to needlework and sewing to website design and beyond. All of my most-loved hobbies have been artistic and over the last year and half I have been coming to the conclusion that, actually, I think I would rather make a living from doing something creative.

When I think of me, I don’t think any other career makes as much sense as one based in art. Which is basically what my dad has been saying to me since I was about 14. So, now what?

Via

I’m on mid-semester break at the moment, so hopefully I’ll have a little more time to post. The last couple of weeks have been crazy-busy and there has been so little down-time for anything; I was definitely looking forward to a bit of R&R. I’ve had four days of doing nada, except going away for the weekend to visit my dude’s family, eating American junk food (thank the candy Gods for Baby Ruth bars and Twinkies), watching movies, and generally faffing about.

I even got out my crochet last night and painstakingly unravelled a non-used sunglasses case I made last year and wound a lovely yarn ball. However, when I got up this morning Mum informed me that the dog had found aforementioned ball and thought it was the most fun thing ever, chomping on it and getting it tangled around her legs. Now to wash the tangled mess of yarn…

I don’t have anything majorly exciting planned for the rest of my holiday, unless taking my two cats to the vet counts as ‘exciting’. I suppose, considering Molly would rather be anywhere other than the vet’s, it may turn out to be rather eventful. Lola just flirts with everyone (seriously, that cat is super-friendly).

I do have a small nugget of exciting news though: I joined Weight Watchers’ online programme just over a week ago! I’d finally got to the point where I knew it would probably be best if I had an even bigger incentive than just wanting to feel better about myself. That incentive is, of course, having shelled out over a hundred NZ dollars to join for three months. Now I absolutely have to make the most of being a member and losing weight or I will lose money, and that is not cool. In the first week I lost 1.5kg, a nice amount I think. So far I’m really pleased with how easy it is and how straight-forward the online tools are to use. I’m conscious of what I eat, but I don’t have to be pedantic about it. At this point I’m not even exercising, either.

Anyway, hope you made it through what ended up being a text-filled, somewhat disjointed post. Check back later for a post about one of my favourite design houses around at the moment, which is much less texty and more eye-candy filled.

Image made using some pretty downloads from PuglyPixel.

It did not go so great, actually, which is disappointing. I had one of those weeks where I ended up getting busy doing a million other things instead.

I did continue sanding my dresser and it’s almost ready for the stain. The drawer fronts are all sanded and have the undercoat on. I’m really excited about this project, I think the dresser is going to look so good when it’s finished! Also, I have only one coat of varnish left to do on the stool and corkboard frame, so while I didn’t do any exercise (unless helping the boyfriend move counts) I did get some of my goals almost complete.

1. Eat one piece of fruit a day. I want to train myself to replace my sugar cravings for chocolate and cakes with cravings for fruit.
2. Find some great yarn for kids moccasins. I have plans to crochet some moccasins for my nephew, but I need to look through my yarn to see if I have the supplies or if I’ll need to stock up.
3. Organise my craft supplies properly. I have just under two weeks until university starts again and I want all my craft supplies organised and in their proper place by then. Labelled, also, which means I need to recharge the batteries and get a new role of label tap for my labeller.

Here’s to a better week! xx

Image from Sometimes Sweet

Well, it’s officially over; 8 weeks to a better me has come to an end. I’m going to finish with a progress report of the second 4 weeks, to go with the one I did half-way through.

In week five it was all about loving life and having fun! I aimed to do something fun, just for myself; document my days in a journal, focussing only on the good things that happened, the beautiful things I found and did; and laugh. Unfortunately I didn’t get either of the first two done, but I did manage to laugh despite university stress making light-hearted moments hard to come by.

If you read my first progress report, you’ll know I was keeping score between myself and ‘procrastination’. I ended with 8, procrastination with 4. Including week five this brings it too…
Sam – 9; procrastination – 6.

Weeks six was ‘Home Sweet Home’, a.k.a., making your home/bedroom/whatever right you. I aimed to make a virtual bedroom inspiration board; organise my craft supplies more; and find some new picture frames. Using Pinterest (one of the most brilliant sites ever) I created and added to a bedroom pin board. I also managed to organise my crafts a little bit more (but I still have a lot do); and unfortunately I had/I’m still having bum luck on picking up nice frames. Boo!

Sam – 11; procrastination/lack of decent picture frames – 7.

Week seven was all about cultivating our personal style. I aimed to think about my personal style, to see if I could really define it; make a list of a few of my favourite kinds of outfits; and contemplate selling some of my shoes, to make room for quality pairs that will last a long time. I thought about my style and decided that being eclectic is okay with me, that I don’t need to define my style as anything in particular. I also thought about selling some of my shoes but decided against it. I am not ready to part with some pairs just yet! I didn’t get around to making a list of favourite outfits though.

Sam – 13; procrastination – 8;

Week eight, the very last week, was about awakening our creative sides, something that is very dear to my heart. If I can’t be creative I go nuts. Anyway, I aimed to spend about 5 minutes per day with my craft journal – did not do; find some great yarn – did not do this either; and make a list of supplies needed for DIY projects – sort of did this. When I say ‘make a list’ I literally mean write it down, not think about it briefly while mentally escaping from studying. However, that is what I did, so it sort of counts. Especially because on Saturday I went to the DIY store and actually picked up all the things on my mental list and did not screw it up.

Therefore, Sam – 14; procrastination – 10. Technically I beat procrastination. Insert happy jig dance here.

This still leaves me with 10 incomplete goals though! Frankly, I am not okay with that, so I will continue to make weekly goals, using the 10 remaining and perhaps adding some new ones every-so-often. I’ll be making a brand new post all about it, later today!

If you did 8 weeks to a better me, how did you get on? What did you love? What was hard for you? Have you learned anything new about how you handle goals? I would love you hear about your experience!

xo

Image from Sometimes Sweet

This week’s topic is loving life and having fun. I can’t think of a better thing to work towards for this week! I see a lot of people struggle to remember to have fun in their daily lives. I think sometimes it is so easy to get caught up in everything we’re supposed to be doing today or this week or this month that ‘fun’ doesn’t really factor into our priorities, at least perhaps not high up there anyway. One thing I adore about my boyfriend is his zest for fun, from little things like our playful banter or a random joke to more planned fun and adventure. I am the uptight, anxious one in our relationship and so often I am wound up like a rubber band, all twisty and serious. He reminds me to just take a moment to remember it’s just life. Life is beautiful and not a super-serious project that needs unfailing concentration to ‘do’, that sometimes living is best done when you let go of expectations and just be with the moment you find yourself in.

This week I’m going to:

1. Do something fun, just for myself. While I love having fun with others, there are times when doing something on your own is really nice. Tomorrow I am planning on getting a pedicure, something I’ve only ever done for myself! Fun and relaxing.
2. Document my days in a journal, focussing only on the good things that happened, the beautiful things I found and did. While I would love to take my camera with me every day, having my DSLR at university isn’t very practical. I’ll be taking my journal with me instead, noting down little bits and pieces throughout the day.
3. Laugh. As much as I can, all week! Spend time with friends, watch funny stuff, play games with the kids I know, etc.

Happy Monday! xo

Image from Sometimes Sweet

Given that we’re half way through the 8 weeks to a better me project I think it’s time I updated on how I’ve been doing. Successes, failures – you know the drill.

In week one it was all about blogging and I aimed to blog about my 23rd birthday, make one post about what I did that day (because I enjoy reading those kinds of posts so why not write one?), and share a playlist. In that same post I shared my first ever downloadable mix full of current must-listen-tos. Although I wasn’t able to write about my awesome Friday on the actual day, I did recount it, and I also shared a birthday post!

So, that’s 3/3 for the first week! Sam – 3; procrastination – 0.

Week two was focused on fitness goals and I aimed to purchase a decent exercise DVD, work out three times, and actually push myself further than I think I can go. I had trouble that week and the only goal I managed to complete was the first: I ordered the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD which arrived the other day. Later today I plan to go through it if writing my paper doesn’t go too badly.

1/3 for week two. Sam – 4; procrastination – 2.

Week three was to make healthy eating goals and I aimed to drink at least 2 drink bottles of water per day, eat at least one piece of fruit a day, and eat one salad per day. That week my health issues came to a head and I was in a situation where my diet was limited to white bread, chicken nuggets, and malt biscuits. I was able to drink about 1-2 bottles of water each day and was having vegetables with dinner as usual, but they weren’t always salads.

I think that means 1/3 for week three. Sam – 5; procrastination – 4. At least I’m still winning sort of!

For week four we’ve been working on goals related to loving yourself and I aimed to make an effort to wear things I feel really comfortable in, every day, set up a twice daily alarm on my phone to remind myself to be nice to me, and try to remember for every negative thought I have about myself (or anything, for that matter), to combat it with at least one positive thought. From Monday to Friday I definitely made the effort to dress in ways that I found comfortable in, both physically and in terms of my confidence. This weekend will probably involved sweatpants and t-shirts which I am also very comfortable in (but would not wear out of the house unless I was exercising). The twice a day alarm on my phone has been great. It reminds me to stop what I’m doing for a few seconds/minutes and reflect on how I’m feeling and how my day has been going. I’ll be keeping it on my phone. I’ve also had success with combating negative thoughts with positive ones.

All around, an awesome week! 3/3 goals accomplished so Sam – 8; procrastination – 4.

If you’re participating in this fabulous project, how are you doing? Actually, even if you’re not following ’8 weeks to a better me’ but have been setting some small goals for yourself, how are you doing?

Image from Sometimes Sweet

This week is all about loving yourself, something I think most people could do with working on. I have always been hard on myself and often find I come up with all these unrealistic expectations for myself. Honestly, if I tried to have those expectations on someone else, they would tell me to go stick it and to stop being such a tyrant-cow.

So, this week I’m going to stop being a tyrant-cow to myself, and ‘do unto myself what I would have others do unto me’. Or something less fancy but equally as awesome.

This week I will:

1. Make an effort to wear things I feel really comfortable in, every day. I always feel so much better when I am comfortable in my clothing, but wearing something that doesn’t make me feel sluggish (like PJ bottoms or sweats, my at-home habit…).
2. Set up a twice daily alarm on my phone to remind myself to be nice to me. Let’s face it, I’m probably not going to really remember during the day to stop and appreciate who I am, how I look, etc.
3. Try to remember for every negative thought I have about myself (or anything, for that matter), to combat it with at least one positive thought. I would also love to document these little -/+ conversations I have with myself in my journal. I think it would be a good exercise for finding thought patterns.

Here’s to a new week! Speaking of new, I’ve redesigned my blog theme. I really wanted something very simple and minimal (hence the lack of giant header).

Oh, by the way, it’s currently 7:49pm and I am not enduring the end of the world, nor have I floated to heaven or whatever. I sort of figured I wouldn’t really know if anything was happening because I don’t think I know anyone who’s been ‘good’ enough to get into heaven. I wondered if perhaps I would see souls floating into the sky while I hang around waiting for something awful to happen, but no. How’re things for you?

Image from Sometimes Sweet

This week’s goal theme is definitely needed, but it will be hard! As I sit here typing and simultaneously biting a slice of pizza (the frozen kind) I am readying myself to make 3 healthy eating goals. Oh yes, time to banish the chocolates, chips, and full-fat laden iced coffees while embracing trail mix, veggie sticks, and water.

This week I will:

1. Drink at least 2 drink bottles of water (like Danielle, I have a CamelBak bottle which I love).
2. Eat at least one piece of fruit a day.
3. Eat one salad a day.

I find salad-eating particularly hard as the weather gets cooler. Quite frankly a cool salad isn’t always very appealing! However, they are good for me and I do enjoy the light, fresh feel I have when I incorporate them into my diet regularly.

Happy goaling (new word, learn it ) everyone!

Image from Sometimes Sweet

This week is all about fitness goals, which is actually quite handy because I really need to get back into exercising again. Somehow I will manage to squeeze in about 3-5 hours a week, starting this week.

This week I plan to:

1. Purchase a decent exercise DVD so I can workout at home. I need something more specific than just a walk! At the moment Jillian Michael’s DVDs are looking pretty good.
2. Work out three times: Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday.
3. Actually push myself further than I think I can go. I often tend to give up once I start to feel like I ‘can’t do it anymore’, but I know I can go further so I just need to push myself that bit more.

Damn, now I have to get off my butt and work out tonight.