It’s been a quiet week, yet also somehow not. Insomnia has been my fast friend most nights so they are filled with lying in the dark and trying not to think, then getting pissed off at my brain, then reading, then – finally – quiet. Days are filled with housework (it is never ending, is it?), design research, leather research, some socialising, and always sweating from the humidity.

I feel simultaneously productive and utterly lazy. I think I feel lazy because I am not sleeping until the wee hours, wake for about 30-60 minutes while Josh readies himself for work, then fall back asleep until whenever I wake up. There is no routine to my sleep and I absolutely despise it. I think I shall give in tonight and take something so I sleep normally. So I can wake normally tomorrow, refreshed and not like a zombie. So I can feel more productive than lazy.

Also, I have finally started watching Downton Abbey and I’m up to episode 5 of season 2. Holy addictive Batman! It’s just the sort of thing I love (period drama). I adore Sibil, but Mary is my favourite. She may have made some stupid mistakes but I can’t help loving her. I am still not quite over Edith’s betrayal… And how freakin’ epic is Maggie Smith? She always plays the BEST characters that I both despise and adore at the same time.

I hope you are having a decent week, at the very least.

1. After my boyfriend leaves for work I steal his pillow. It’s so much better than mine.

2. I don’t particularly like summer because heat is seriously uncomfortable for me. Permanent sweaty forehead? No thank you very much.

3. I just ate two avocado bagels for lunch.

4. I don’t wear PJs to bed, but I own three pairs of PJ pants because that is what I like to wear when I’m at home.

5. I rarely wear the same thing all day. When I’m at home I prefer to wear the aforementioned PJ pants and a singlet or T-shirt and I will change before going out. Then, I will change back into my at-home clothes when I come home (if I don’t have to go out again). My boyfriend finds this irritating, which is understandable, but I will never stop.

Do you have anything you would like to confess? Leave a comment or blog about it and send me the link. I’d love to know what other people are up to!

Via

So on Valentine’s Day I mentioned that I have some news to share. Remember how a couple of weeks ago I wrote about my experience with anxiety and also how I wasn’t sure if my current study/career path was what I really wanted to do? Well, since that post my anxiety has been up in the highs (about a 7-10 on a scale of 0-9 with 0 being none and 10 being absolutely worst of worse) and I started to feel really depressed. The last weeks of summer school were painful, and I felt utterly lost and miserable.

Last weekend, with the help of my wonderful mother and boyfriend, I was able to finally make a decision about what to do, what would be best for me right now. I’ve decided to take the next semester off from university and focus on getting my confidence back while also dipping my toes into the world of selling handmade online. Obviously I will also need to find some part-time work in order to pay the bills while I do this, so the job-hunt begins. I’ll also be getting some therapy to deal with my anxiety so that I feel more in control of it and how I react to it.

As for selling handmade, I have a passion for bags and am in the process of designing a few leather styles. I’m not sure on the time-frame of when these will be ready; those details will be planned out more in the coming weeks. I’ll sell other handmade things too. This is, clearly, very new and not every last detail has been fleshed out yet, but let me tell you: I haven’t been more excited about something in a very long time. Not going to lie: it’s scary, however I am actually looking forward to facing those fears and just doing it.

Yellow ‘in Love’ print by Dekanimal

I hope you have a wonderful day, whether you celebrate Valentine’s Day or not. Every day should be filled with love, really.

Josh and I do celebrate, sort of. We get little gifts for each other and tonight I am making dessert, which we usually don’t eat. I think I partly like celebrating for the amusement factor because of how cheesy the day is and how much of big deal it is for marketing. Valentine’s Day – another good reason for a sale! It’s kind of fun to make fun of it by not taking it seriously and being extra goofy (we are already extremely goofy).

Our first Valentine’s, Josh wrote me a poem and made a Venn diagram stating how awesome I am. I wrote him a love letter. Last year he got me Lego and I made him creme brulee. This year I ordered a large box of American candy for us to share* and bought him a Star Wars ‘How To Speak Wookie’ book, complete with sound! I really hope he does not read this before he gets home. If so, sorry honeybee!

Honestly, Valentine’s Day is just an excuse to have an extra date night in our week . And it is motivation to shave my legs and wear nicer underwear.

*BabyRuth bar, come to mama!

P.S., I have some extremely exciting + terrifying news to announce in the coming week, once my head a little more wrapped around it all. No, I am not pregnant.

While I struggle to get super personal here, I often find myself thinking that if I share some of my experiences with anxiety and depression it might be helpful for myself and maybe even others. I know that when I read about other people’s struggles with these things I get a sense of not being alone which is incredibly comforting during moments of darkness.

This week I have been feeling off. I wouldn’t say depressed because I don’t think it’s reached that level yet, but I’ve been feeling blue and a bit anxious. I don’t want to do very much, I feel tired, and I sort of want to either hide away by myself or surround myself with the most comforting people I know (i.e. my mother and sisters). I’ve also been rather tearful. I would say that I am ‘a crier’ anyway. I’ll sob over a WISPA ad on TV, for example, or shed a few drops when Ellen Degeneres gives stuff away to deserving people. This is much more likely if it’s around the time I have PMS. These all seem fairly valid reasons to cry though. This week, waves of deep sadness have come over me at random moments, no commercials or menstruation necessary.

I do know that I am not feeling great about university. I find it extremely difficult to care enough about the topics, the outcome of getting my degree, etc. to care about the work involved. As the years have gone by, I have come to realise that I don’t particularly enjoy academic work. I often find research tedious and writing assignments is more like a nasty chore. I know that these things are about attitude. Somehow I have developed this attitude of just not liking it and therefore fighting it the whole time. More often lately I have been daydreaming about the things I would rather be doing: designing bags and stationery, and selling them to make a living. I no longer daydream about being a clinical psychologist. The thought of it actually causes the physical sensation of being strangled a little, or stuck in a very small box. I don’t think I want to listen to peoples’ problems, not because I don’t care, but because I am not sure I want my work-life to be based around others’ probably negative problems and having to confront that every day while maintaining my own positive head space.

I don’t know what all of this means right now. It’s like a big puzzle with only some of the pieces and absolutely no image to reference. I have no idea what the picture is or how many of the pieces fit together. It’s confusing and frustrating. Is this a quarter-life crisis? I’m 24 in a few months and I feel like I’m partially on the wrong path. My interest in psychology is there but I just don’t know if I actually want to be a psychologist any more. When I think of who I am and what I love, being creative is the most prominent thing. It is what has always been my strongest, most consistent love. From playdough sculptures and wooden cars made with milk bottle lids for wheels to painting ceramics to drawing and painting to needlework and sewing to website design and beyond. All of my most-loved hobbies have been artistic and over the last year and half I have been coming to the conclusion that, actually, I think I would rather make a living from doing something creative.

When I think of me, I don’t think any other career makes as much sense as one based in art. Which is basically what my dad has been saying to me since I was about 14. So, now what?

Via

Blogging and I are just not happening much. I think I freak myself out by pressuring myself to have interesting photos every time I blog, but I don’t tend to chronicle much of my life in photos at the moment. Something I endeavour to do in 2012 is just blog more, even if I don’t have pretty pictures to share all the time. The point is to have a record for me to read and enjoy, rather than blogging in ways which I think might appeal to readers. I care about those who do read (thank you!) but what and how I write should be first based on what suits me.

Anyway, I had a lovely but busy Christmas with my family. Christmas has been changing for us over the last few years. My parents, siblings and I used to spend the morning together before going to my maternal grandmother’s for lunch and then to my paternal grandparents’ for dinner. A couple of years ago my nanna had a stroke so we haven’t been having Christmas dinners there any more and my other grandma also finds putting on a big lunch for the huge number of people in my mum’s family way more work than she’s interested in (don’t blame her!). Now we tend to spend Christmas morning as we used to and breakfast at my eldest sister’s house, but without my brother because his little family does stuff with his partner’s family. Then both sides of my family gather for lunch at my parent’s home. While not every aunt, uncle, cousin, etc. can attend, most do and it’s a fairly large occasion to say the least! I’m personally more of a fan of the smaller, micro-gatherings that we used to have and I do hope that we can do that again some time in the future. With so many people I don’t feel like I can really spend any time with them all properly. To me, Christmas is all about family (and food) and it seems a little bit weird to me that I don’t get to really hang out with the various parts of my family properly. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy Christmas – I really do, and I will take the gathering any way I can get it.

Post-Christmas was chilled out. We had the most horrible weather though! It’s summer right now and so far we’ve only been getting glimmers of it, between storms, floods, rain, and even some sweater temperatures. Mostly it’s been humid and wet, basically. New Year’s Eve was still rainy and then finally yesterday it cleared a little in time to move Josh into our flat, and so far today it’s actually not rained at all (fingers crossed because I have a clothes line full of laundry).

Speaking of laundry, on New Year’s Day I was washing a load of laundry and our washing machine had a fit and flooded our garage. I was in the shower when it happened so when I went into the garage to see how the load was doing, I stepped into a small ocean! Fortunately the water didn’t get inside the flat and hasn’t damaged anything. The washing machine motor is broken though so now we’re without one until a replacement is acquired. My grandma lives in the house above us and is very kindly letting us use hers for the time being.

So, a busy, somewhat eventful, year so far. Summer school starts for me on Thursday and over the next few weeks I really hope to have the majority of the flat sorted and in order. I’m feeling incredibly blessed, happy, and calm with this new chapter of my life.

How is your 2012 going? Anything interesting happen yet?

This week is crazy. It’s usually crazy this time of year anyway but this year in particular! It’s all very exciting though so it’s okay.

Today I finished most of the packing I have left and moved one trailer load of stuff to the flat. Mostly boxes because we’ll move the furniture tomorrow. I even managed to unpack some stuff – um, cutlery (except teaspoons), but it’s a start!

Now I’m enjoying my second-to-last night in my parent’s house. I’m going to miss them. Have just finished a Christmas gift for my darling nephew, Tyler. I’m so excited to see his face when he opens it on Christmas!

Have a beautiful night! xx

I’m typing this post as I wait for web pages to load. The rain is making my internet slow and that is a very frustrating thing indeed! Particularly when I’m trying to get through a pile of blog posts that have been sitting in my BlogLovin’ feed for…ooh…months now. It’s ridiculous. I actually unsubcribed to several blogs a few months ago because I just don’t read them any more. I think I will endeavour to do this again & totally overhaul my BlogLovin’ folders. Better organisation is really needed!

Aside from this, today I woke up at 7 o’clock with no intention of remaining awake. I had a bathroom stop, heated up my wheat bag (for the dreadful cramps I’ve been having the last two weeks – thank you lady issues) and climbed back into bed. Unfortunately I ended up sleeping well-passed a decent time and finally awoke at 12:30. That NEVER happens. While I love my sleep and don’t mind a sleep-in, 9-10am is about as much as I ever do. As a result my day feels totally out of balance! Nevertheless, I’ve done some more packing for my move in eight days and also helped my mum sort and repack some of my parents’ things that are in storage. We have a giant donation box filling up.

There is still so much to be done though. Christmas gifts to be sewn, wrapped, bought; belongings to be shoved into boxes and bags. It’s so exciting, but definitely stressful a bit! I’m also feeling tremendously guilty about leaving my cats, Molly and Lola, with my parents. It’s better for them since they are used to all the space here on the farm, but Molly is very attached to me and I her, so I do feel sad about it. For example, she is at present curled in a ball on the desk next to me and this little office area of mine is hers too. I am going to miss her company so very much.

As I mentioned yesterday, I have two new additions to my family in the form of guinea pigs! It sort of happened on a whim, on October 11th. I had been researching guinea pig care for about a week but wasn’t entirely sure I would get any yet, then I went to a pet store and saw these two girls and the rest is history. Normally I don’t really advocate purchasing animals from pet stores – there are so many in shelters who need homes and I don’t support over-breeding – but I guess hypocrisy doesn’t escape me. These girls needed me! I would for sure give them a wonderful home with more love and cuddles than they could shake a piece of hay at.

Margot

Bella

They are not siblings, but about the same age: around 4 months and one week old, now. Bella is more adventurous in that she will explore new places/objects before Margot does, but she is also far more wriggly to cuddle! Margot is quieter and a bit more relaxed, easy to hold and cuddle. Both are sweet and hilarious, they run around their cage like mad, popcorning (little jumps guinea pigs do when happy) all over the place and get very happy when their fresh food is given out. Their favourite is cucumber and strawberries, but they’re also very partial to purple leaf lettuces and clover.

(Excuse the poop – they make a lot of these, all the time, everywhere.)

From my research I learned that while piggies are typically considered outdoor pets here in New Zealand, they do much better inside. This is especially true for places that get extreme highs and lows in temperature, or humid climates (my city!). It also means they are less likely to be harassed by predator animals and mites, and it means that bonding with piggies is a bit easier because they are around people more often. So, I came home with my girls, a bunch of accessories and food, and found a temporary home for them inside while I built an epic guinea pig condo. Their house has been finished for about 6 weeks and they looove it. I love it, too.

This is their ‘condo’. Made from wire storage cube panels held together with cable ties and coroplast/corflute/corflex (the corrugated plastic used for signs) on the cage floor. This photo only shows the towels, but I also put a layer of fleece over the top. Also, there’s a different ramp now, which they love.

If you’re thinking about adopting a guinea pig, the following websites are really helpful to read first – these sweeties may look small and easy, but guinea care is actually very involved and you have to be dedicated. They are not the sort of pet that just sits in a cage looking cute (no animal should be viewed as such, really). If you want something to look at, get a fish.

• Guinea Lynx – the best site for info on general care to specific medical conditions.
• Jackie’s Guinea Pigs – my favourite website for guinea pig care info (aside from Guinea Lynx for the medical info).
• Cavy Spirit – another good site for general info.
• Guinea Pig Cages – cages like mine, where to get materials, how to make them.
• Guinea Pig Cages Forum – excellent resource for everything guinea pig.

As an aside, my brother got my sister-in-law a puppy for Christmas! Her name is Lexi and she’s an 8-week-old Maltese. I am in love with her. I’ve spent most of my life either living with or close to small dogs (Chihuahua’s mainly) and there really is nothing like a small snuggle buddy of the fuzzy variety. Big dogs are awesome, but they are so…painful…to have sit in your lap.

Not adult as in I am going to blog erotic fanfiction or something. Which would be amusing because I’m not a great fiction writer and I’m pretty sure if I tried my had at erotic fiction it would sound like a 13-year-old wrote it. But adult as in growing up.

One of the biggest milestones in my life is about to happen in 18 days: I am moving out of my parents’ house and Josh and I are moving into our own flat! Well, Josh is moving in early January, anyway. I guess technically I will be living alone for about a week, haha. This whole thing happened suddenly a little over a month ago, when the flat adjoined to my grandmother’s house became available. She wanted another family member, or at least someone she knew, to live there, so once J and I figured out we could afford it we jumped at the chance. Since then it’s felt like a whirlwind of planning, buying essentials that we can’t get as hand-me-downs and me trying very hard not to spend too much on buying non-essential homely items (and somewhat failing). Fortunately we know a lot of people with a lot of excess stuff so we’ve managed to acquire all the big items like a fridge, couch, armchair and microwave, and lots of other bits and pieces too (mainly kitchen stuff).

At first I was swooning over getting to decorate (though not changing paint) but came into strife with this because J and I have tend to have very different styles. I am mid-century modern mixed with contemporary and he basically a medieval Gothic castle. It is actually litterally light and dark (or eggshell blue cotton and red velvet). This realisation sent me into a temporary panic and I kind of had to ‘grieve’ for the idea of creating a home that is 100% ME. It may seem silly, but I’m pretty sure I’m not the only interior decorating, design dork out there who has mourned the loss of their style once they cohabitate. I guess some people are ‘lucky’ in that their partner might not care all that much so they let you do all you want, but my dude is actually quite interested in such things and would rather have his input.

Hmph! Though not really ‘hmph’, at least not anymore, because I have mourned my preconceived ideal flat and am now in the Compromise Zone. I’m okay with that. It may not be my perfect decor style, but it will be Us and this is what this whole thing is about. He and I, us, embarking on a new adventure together. One in which both of us should be able to express our individual tastes, to show off our favourite things, in a manner that, somehow, says This Is Us. Or something like that. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if I have a reproduction Eames chair in eggshell blue but rather that we get to wake up next to each other, cook together, end our days with face-to-face chats rather than phone calls and texts. We get to set up our home and live our lives as individuals and a couple, in it. With our guinea pig babies*. Those are the things that really matter.

And just because I can, here are a couple of photos that show the crazy packing process I’m in:

My bedroom. Trying to contain the crazy in one area but failing.

Upstairs in the house, where a lot of my boxes are residing at the moment. Most of this is kitchen stuff…

So, there we have it. Moving. Two days before Christmas. Probably in the evening because I’m moving in the day my cousin moves out. I’m impatient like that (obviously). Who is cray? Why yes, that would be me, thank you very much.

*Yes, I got two guinea pigs about two months ago, before we knew we were moving. I will introduce them in a post soon!